February 17, 2024
Reported by Maria Delwiche
Photo credit: Rick Gravrok
What I found interesting is that both parents and children may exercise a great deal of autonomy from the group. While Monterey is gathered around the idea of community, it does not step over the line of dictating behavior or values associated with parenting or the behavior of any one child. Children are not forced to do chores for the community, this function of behavior regulation falls to caregivers. While there have been formal and informal groups dedicated to the affairs of children in which certain issues are discussed, they are constantly changing and being reformed with the new people who move in to Monterey; furthermore, the only baseline standards which do not change have to do with children’s safety (using the elevator or the woodshop).
Is this a solution for the loneliness epidemic? Not necessarily… Like any neighborhood, there are children of different ages inhabiting at different times. While some years there may be many children of similar age groups, there may be other years where there are very few children. On the other hand, being connected through the wider community there is ample space for spontaneous connection with residents of a variety of ages. Through shared meals, passing each other in halls or yards, or learning how to garden or use the wood shop they are open to conversation and mentorship from a wide variety of perspectives. People of any age may never feel lonely here, as long as they are open to connection.
Parents said the experience of growing up in the community was very important to their children. More than anything, children who grow up in cohousing spaces learn important values and skills: sharing, conflict resolution, respect, and empathy. A few different times were shared with me when both children and adults were involved in problem solving so that all community members felt they were heard and understood. This is not an easy skill to learn, but it is needed most now! While their children haven’t gone on to cohousing communities of their own, they are all aware of the importance of community and have implemented it in their lives in their own way.
We will discuss these topics and more in our upcoming information session on the 22nd of February! If you would like to learn more please join us!
